JamieDoyle(dot)com

You’re Not Really HEARING me!

Everything a kid tells you is important. You may not think it’s important, but to that kid, at that moment, it’s the most important thing in their world.

We as adults have, over time, developed a filter called: “THE STUFF IMPORTANT TO ME” filter. And we react accordingly. If someone tells you something that is interesting to YOU – YOU naturally react with genuine interest. YOU react with attention. YOU react because you actually care.

But when someone tells you something that you have no interest in, you may try to react as though you care – because you don’t really want to offend the person trying to tell you something. But you’re not really listening, are you?

When that child walks up to you and shows you his loose tooth… this is a big deal – no wait! It’s a BIG DEAL! When she tells you that it was her birthday yesterday… it’s a BIG DEAL! When a kids tells you that his family is taking him on vacation to “Happy World”, it’s a BIG DEAL! When she explains that her dog is lost… it’s a BIG DEAL. When they point to their new shoes… it’s a BIG DEAL. Should I go on?

How many times have you had one of these experiences to only usher that child to his seat and tell him politely that he can tell you later? After all, it’s time to start class, right.

To a child, you may be the most important person in their life that needs to know this information. Your reaction will determine their significance at that very moment in THEIR WORLD.

Are you really listening?

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It starts from the moment they walk in…

You might have assumed that this whole series of posts was going to be about how to prep and present a better children’s church.  And guess what? Later, I am going to discuss that very thing… but, later.

Before you can start the 5 minute countdown, make a grandiose announcement, send in a crazy character, start your Bible on fire, or eat donuts suspended from a rope, we need some kids to come thru the doors.  If the kids don’t show up, you’d be starting your Bible on fire for, well… nobody.

But what can you do to keep kids from getting bored from the moment they come into your ministry area?

Engage them!  Here are a few suggestions:

• Decor- Have your ministry room(s) decorated to reflect the theme of your ministry or the topic that you are teaching.  Whether you have the ability, permission and money to deck-out an area for kids or you have to set it up and tear it down; kids know when they are being welcomed and if you’ve prepared for them.  Banners, backdrops, balloons, props/scenery and murals will create an environment that kids will remember.
• Ambiance- Fun music that is upbeat and fun or anticipatory will help kids feel like this is the place just for them.  Light up the room(s) with different colors to help accent and compliment the look of the room.  Video clips that are familiar or interesting to kids will make a welcoming experience.  AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES – clean up the clutter, vacuum, adjust the temp and eliminate odor!
• Activities- When kids enter any new environment, their internal intensity changes.  Kids need an outlet for energy. So have some energy-outlet friendly stuff ready. Board games, twister, an art station, simple “carnival”-type games, long-jump contests, high-jump contests, follow the leader, quiz games, treasure/scavenger hunts, video games… Use your imagination.  I mean, look at it as if “nothing kid-friendly is off-limits”.
• Relational Interaction- Having the leaders in your areas who are initiating interaction will create a memory and set the temperature for an experience.  What do the leaders do?  Ask kid-related questions; about their clothes, school, shoes, movies, video games, toys, pets, vacation, friends, etc.  Having some conversation starters are important.  Read my post about “What I’ve Kept in my Pockets”  These little items will help leaders start conversations and create experiences.

Have I given you something to think about?  More later.

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How can you be creative, innovative, relevant and have fun?  We’d better answer these questions as these are crucial for survival in the #KidMin world.

Ask kids their opinion

I don’t care how or where – just meet with kids for 10 – 30 second and ask their opinion about current trends, fads, and especially your ministry and programs.  And BTW: get ready to have your bubble popped.

Ask your leaders what they are seeing

If your leaders are parents, consumers, TV watchers, surf the internet, have a job, leave their homes, have neighbors, go shopping or do life – they have a valuable opinion and observations that will be different than yours.  They key there is “different” than yours.  Don’t be offended when they don’t agree or have a different opinion.

Go on a field trip and take a camera

Too many pastors/church leaders rarely leave the four walls of their offices to see the world around them.  Hit the local toy stores, video game shops, activity centers, kid-friendly stores and places where kids party.  Take a camera, notepad and a few others with cameras and notepads.

Kid-Friendly Media

Kids watch a lot of TV – go to Kid-friendly channels and watch what these kids watch.  Go to the Kid-Friendly websites and surf what they surf. A little research will tell you what these kids listen to – download it. Find out the latest in books and magazines – read ‘em!

Networking with other #KidMin leaders

Twitter, Facebook, CMConnect.org, Kidology.org, local groups, and face to face/one on one meetings are invaluable!  I’ve said it before:  Get with the leaders of the churches that are the next level size so you can learn what it takes to get there… look to the churches that are about the same size so you can trade ideas that might be more “easily adaptable”… And (ready for this?) Look to the churches that are smaller than yours so you can see the drive, hunger and innovation they have to get to where you’re at now.

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Yes my #kidmin friends, it’s true: I have posted a free Easter object lesson over at the online bookstore.  It’s a chemical-science-amazing-fun kinda thing. The lesson is from my book “More Incredible Object Lessons”.  And all I am asking is that you take the free lesson and consider purchasing something else at the bookstore.  Are you assuming that this is a shameless plug for my resources?  Yes! It’s a shameless plug for my resources.  I don’t do it very often – this is why I feel no shame.

You can get to the online bookstore here – thanks for your support!

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Performance Skills 102

Specific training to increase your on-stage professionalism

Catchy Title huh?

For some it could be intriguing and they are instantly hooked in, but for the most part I would predict that the title is confusing as the topic of on-stage professionalism is not usually talked about in the world of Children’s Ministry. In our preaching we focus a lot on content, our MC-ing being energetic and making our kids scream, and our performances either being funny or very heavy with the topic we want to teach on. It is not often you will get someone stand up and say “let’s get more professional”.

Now we are not talking about sub-contracting writers, hiring actors and a catering truck. Instead we are talking about working with what you have and taking what you do in your ministry, and sharpening your skills to make it more professional.

Today we are going to talk about something that affects the communicator – the preacher, the MC and the performer (especially on film). There is a phenomenon out there that can plague these people’s performances and most of the time they have no idea it is there. This is not something that makes the difference between a good or bad performance but it is the difference between a great and professional one. This phenomenon I have taken the liberty to call “The Glorified Um”.

When we were children and trying to communicate, a lot of the time we didn’t know what to say. So as we were talking there would be a lot of pauses and because we didn’t want to lose the attention of our audience we filled that pause with an “Um”.

“Mum… um…. can I ….. um…… can I….. um…… because i’m hungry…….. um…………… can I …… um…………have… um…a um…cookie……. um?”

As a child we believe that pauses are not good so we foolishly fill the spaces with that wonderful word “Um”. The word “Um” communicates that we are unsure of what to say next and/or we are not confident in what we just said. This habit is tolerated as a young child but as we grow it is often corrected by parents and teachers because they know that you will disadvantaged in areas of life, especially when it come to job interviews.

“Um…..I ….think…..um that …I….um….. I…..would ….um….be very good as um……….ummmmm…..a…um…..car salesman…um”.

Fast-forward to now and you are in Children’s Ministry and you are happy to report that your days of umming are now behind you. Or are they? Over my years of performing and being in ministry I have realised that the ‘um’ is not behind us but in fact it has evolved and it plagues our preaching, performing and MC-ing. The Glorified Um is in full force.

So what is the Glorified um?

The Glorified Um is a word or a phrase that you the presenter (the word presenter covers all aspects of preaching, performing and MC-ing) will use over and over again whilst presenting. This usually will not be in your script or notes but will come out when you are adlibbing or slightly deviating from what was rehearsed. This phrase or word will not just be in the presentation but stem out from the performers life and be heard in their everyday conversations. For example I once worked for a youth pastor who used to say at the end of many sentences “do you know what I mean?”

This is a classic example of The Glorified Um. Like an um it communicates that he does not know quite what to say next, he is not confident in what he just said and he is cheapening what he is saying by filling his presentation with a habitual saying. I can guarantee on his notes he did not write that phrase once, yet he said it over 10 times.

Now that must not be confused with The Confirming Phrase that is a specific phrase designed to give the audience a chance to confirm what they just heard. An extremely experienced preacher I know always says “Are you getting this?” The difference is that the second presenter deliberately chose to say this, whereas  with the first it just came out without thinking. You can also tell because the first also slightly slurred the phrase and didn’t deliberately pronounce each word.

The Glorified Um is not just phrases at the end, it can be words at the start. Phrases such as: ‘It’s like’ or the word “but” are common examples of this. This can also be found in duel presenters when they start their sentence by acknowledging the other person with the same “it’s true” or “that’s right”. Finally it can even make our way into our writing and you can have a whole play or video with the whole cast using the same Glorified Ums as you do and you won’t even notice.

So what do we do to fix it? The cure is very simple but involves a lot of work and some help.

1. Recognise that a Glorified Um is a problem that is not a part of a professional presentation. I said before you can still be a great presenter with one but you will not reach that level of professionalism with it.

2. Find out if you have a Glorified Um. Look out for it, listen and watch old presentations you have done and look at the people you are leading because if you have it most likely they will have the same one. The best way is to ask a close and truthful friend to find out.

3. Fix your general conversation. A glorified Um is your normal speech creeping into your presentation. Get those close friends to pull you up on it constantly until you realise how often you are using it. This is where it gets frustrating but the effort is worth it.

If you have a platform to present to children on behalf of God then you have a privileged opportunity and I believe you are expected to work on your talents to increase them. If you do the hard yards you will put yourself a cut above and I look forward to seeing where it takes you.

Have Fun

FMD

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Discouragement comes at the oddest of times for those who are in the ministry.  Often it’s right after a major victory – wanna know why?  The devil would like you, in your own mind, to accept the idea that what just happened is now null and void, due to the crisis, or event(s) that showed up afterwards.

Other times, discouragement comes when nothing seems to be happening in your ministry – or, things haven’t been going right for a longer period of time.  In this case, the devil would like it very much if you felt useless, under-qualified, or obsolete in your position as a leader.

Don’t think for a moment that this wasn’t planned.  Our enemy is very strategic and is an expert at planning ahead.

Here are a few suggestions of how you can kick it into gear.  Why?  Because, kicking it into gear will get you out of your office chair, off the sidelines – or in some cases: up off the floor.

1. 1. 1. Pray
      2. Go back and redraft the vision God gave you in the first place
      3. Make an appointment with someone you respect and tell them your vision – sell it to them!
      4. Revisit the victories your CM has won in the past year – now make a list of victories to win from this point on
      5. Go to every classroom and imagine something new that could happen in the next month
      6. Go to that bigger church in town and take notes, pictures and promo pieces and list what you could “borrow” and start doing it.
      7. If you are the bigger church in town – here’s an edgy idea: Go to the smaller church that is on it’s way up and see the drive, determination and vision that’s there.  What can you “borrow”?
      8. Talk to a mentor in CM
      9. If you don’t have a mentor is CM – get one!
      10. Get with your Pastor and get his fresh perspective on the vision for the church
      11. Have kids in your church do a survey to tell you what they really like about church and what they would like to do.
      12. Pray

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Be creative WITH the very ones you are being creative FOR…

Kids are your target – so get into their minds and let them into yours. Believe it or not, kids are the most creative of God’s creation. Their imagination is amazing… crazy amazing! Give a kid a toy and in 10 minuets, it becomes something else than what it was designed for. My son can take any object and turn it into a gun, sword, or some ninja thing. My daughter can take any toy or object, and rock it to sleep.

So get with them. Just give them a chance to be heard. Gather together the kids in your church in age appropriate groups and buy them lots of pizza and ask them questions.

• Poll – Position:

I like to hand out paper and let kids take simple polls. I ask about favorite music, movies, shows, hobbies, sports, etc. It will give you a look into their world and sometimes, gives you some insight as to what’s going on at home… (I’ll let you think about that one). It may cause you to shelve your current curriculum to focus on a subject or topic that’s relevant to your kids… NOW.

• The Perfect Storm

Brainstorming is a great way for your older elementary kids to get in on the planning in your CM. Get your 3, 4 & 5 graders together and present some ideas – then, let them voice their opinions. Write those ideas down. Here’s an important note: take each one idea seriously and consider it. Get down to getting their reactions to some of your ideas for events, lesson topics and design.

Remember the silly-putty exercise – do it! Or hand out other props related to your research and allow them to play and come up with games and fun things to do with them.

• The Thick and Thin

Have thick skin… in other words: don’t be offended by their ideas – they are telling you what they think is cool and what are good ideas in their minds. This is not about you – if they like your ideas, they will tell you… and, if they hate it – they will pop your bubble! But, your goal is not to sell them your ideas, it’s to get into their minds. You may come up with the most innovative program, ministry or event just because you listened.

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Don’t let the concept of “other people” be foreign in your process of being creative and developing ideas. Some of the greatest inventions and ideas in the world wee created by a team of two or more. I don’t care who you are… what your level of experience is… where you’re going… how you got to where you are today… or what you think of yourself – I can guarantee you this: If you and, at least one other person, sat down to brainstorm together, you would come up with some incredible plans, ideas and creations!

• Push the creative process further than just the front of your desk:

You know others on your staff, on your team and in your congregation who are creative and artistic… you know those who are planners, thinkers and dreamers. Take you idea to them and run it past them and get their initial reactions. They will not only respond – they feed off of such an approach. Pull these people into your life and onto your creative team.

• Be strategic about it:

Sit down right now and make a list of people that you know you could “run and idea past”. Get the church directory or look it up on your church’s database – scroll and take note.

• Take them further with you on the journey:

Don’t just use these folks. They may not have much experience with children’s ministry, but they would love to be part of a creative group. Perhaps you need some folks on a sermon planning team that could help you come up with ways to illustrate the message – or a design team to help you with publications.

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Here is a practical execise you can do to motivate and stimulate your mind to be more creative:

• Get some silly putty and a note pad or sit in front of your computer.

• Open the silly putty and begin to make stuff out of it. (hint – don’t be limited – there are no rules… remember: you are free to be the creative being God made you to be).

• Write down everything you do with it – even if the shapes or actions you perform make no sense at all.

• Look at your list… Could you use those shapes or actions to tell a story or teach a concept? Are there key words on your list that would get a spiritual truth across? Are you having fun yet?

Now:
Get into the minds of kids.

• Give some silly putty to your thrid, fourth and fifth grade kids at your church.

• Have them do the same thing that you did.

• Collect the responses and…

…well, you figure it out.

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I have heard it over and over again at so many training conferences, staff meetings and with individuals on my children’s ministry staffs and teams… It goes something like this:

• “I know that you just said to be creative and have fun – well, God just didn’t bless me with the gift to be creative.”

Or

• “You know… I’m just not a very creative person.”

I really believe that nothing could be further from the truth. But this seems to be a general consensus in the Body of Christ among those, who you would think, would be the most apt to declare and have a high self-esteem of their creativity. Perhaps you are one of these who has voiced this very concern -like the quotes above – of your lack of creativity or maybe just the thought has continued to cross your mind. Let me tell you that the very fact that you were able to formulate that thought means that you are creative. Let me make this simple and practical for you.

The definition of creativity is simply this: The ability to take any idea that is at any stage and to add to it, or deconstruct it, or take away from it, or any combination of the three…

This means that you have the freedom to either be the one who has come up with the idea or, take an idea that already exists and modify it. Let me be obvious and point out the key word in that last sentence: freedom. Creativity is not meant to be a frustrating concept or practice. It is, like any other art form, the freedom of expression. It is meant to be fun and refreshing. In order to start down the path of creativity – start with this simple idea: Don’t worry about being right, wrong or looking foolish. Give yourself permission to be free to express yourself, whether it be on paper, the computer screen or in conversation with others.

In the next post, I will start listing some practical steps you can take to promote, perpetuate and propel creativity.

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